With or Without You?
by Carolyn984
Summary: Sometimes we do things for no good reason. Most of the time, that's the worst reason of all...


Title: With Or Without You?  
  
Author: Carolyn Carolyn984@aol.com  
  
Genre: Yet another, AAMRN!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not--do not own any-any of the P-Pokemon characters-characters. Oops! Sorry guys, that record of mine was getting a little overused. ^_^;;  
  
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I placed the letter on Misty's nightstand and took one last look at her. I sighed sadly, imprinting her image in my mind. I didn't really know why I was leaving.. but I just had a feeling we'd both be better off. It kinda felt like I was being controlled; like it wasn't me who was doing this. I turned, resisting the urge to touch her face.. or her hair.. or kiss her.. anything! I walked toward the door and placed my hand on the knob, fighting back tears. I'd save them for later so I wouldn't wake Misty. Crazy, isn't it? I'm fighting not to cry because I don't want to wake her, but I'm about to cry because I'm leaving her. I sighed, turning the knob slowly as for it not to creak. To my horror, it creaked. Nice and loud. Right when there was enough room for me to get through. I looked back at the sleeping figure in the bed and walked out the door.   
  
For the last time.   
  
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What the heck? Why do old cabins always creak at night. It's like a characteristic of them or something. I looked over towards Ash's bed to see if it woke him, too.   
  
"Ash?" I called softly.   
  
Silence.   
  
My eyes adjusted to the light, or lack thereof, and I realized one of two things. Either Ash sleeps in a really weird position, or his sheets were all mangled like that because he wasn't in them.   
  
Then it all fit together. The cabin creaked because he went out of it. Maybe he just went for a walk. He has a habit of doing that when he can't sleep. But no. That wasn't it. I looked over to his bedside where his backpack was-- or where it *should* be. It was gone, too. He never takes his backpack when he's just going for a walk..  
  
"Damnit!" I yelled quietly. If you can yell quietly. Can you? Ah! Why should I care about that? I've got more important things to do! Throwing the blanket over the bed, I stepped onto the cold wood floor. Lifting my backpack, I noticed something white in the corner of my eye. I didn't want to waste too much time, because Ash can't be too far away already, but I lifted the folded note anyway. It was addressed to me. Not bothering to read it because I knew what it was going to say, I put it in my pocket and made a mad dash out the door.   
  
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"I'm sorry, Misty.." I said for the umpteenth time. I still couldn't understand why I was doing this. The cabin was now out of sight, and the first rays of sun were coming up. I knew I waited too long.. I wanted to be gone far before morning, but I fell asleep and didn't wake up until much later than I expected. Hopefully she won't be up soon..  
  
"Ash!"   
  
Well, there goes that thought. That was most definately Misty. That creaky door must have woken her up. Damn, I knew we should have chosen a hotel and not some run-down abandoned cabin. 'Run or stay, run or stay runorstayrunorstay' my brain frantically hissed. No time for thought, she saw me and now she's about 20 feet away from me. Too late to run.   
  
"Just what do you think you're doing?!" She accused in a hurt tone. I'd be hurt too, if she did what I was doing, so I didn't answer. I couldn't.   
  
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That came out a little more dejectedly then I had hoped, but I really didn't care. He owes me a good explanation about all this, and I plan to get one. Well? Why isn't he talking?  
  
"Ash," I started, walking closer to him. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
"I-I.. I don't know." He replied. "I can't explain it.."  
  
That got me mad. Actually, more than just mad. A mixture of emotions rushed through me. "So, what? This is what you planned on doing? Ditching me in the middle of the night with nothing but a note?!" I took out the note from my pocket furiously. "A stupid NOTE, Ash?" I walked up to him so I was no more than 1 foot from him. Then I held the letter in front of his face. In a quiet whisper, I demanded, "Is this all I mean to you?"  
  
He was digging for something to say. I could tell that the answer was "No," it was written all over. I could also tell that statement hurt him, but right now he deserves it.   
  
"Did you even read it?" he asked me, sadly.  
  
"No," I told him honestly. I took the note in two hands, "and I don't plan to, either." I ripped the note into tiny pieces and watched them blow away.   
  
Ash looked at me incredulously, "I'm sorry.. Misty.."  
  
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I don't think she'll ever forgive me. Honestly? I don't blame her.   
  
"Well, Ash, at least you could have talked to me about this. We could have worked something out, and then I wouldn't feel as hurt as I do now. You know what it's like to wake up and find your best friend gone? And there's nothing but a note on the table? Sorry isn't good enough," she scolded me.   
  
Best friend? I never knew she cared about me.   
  
"Yes," she confirmed, reading my mind. "Best friend. That's what you were to me. More than that? I don't know. Not that I haven't thought about it. I have. But obviously you haven't. And apparently all I am to you is just an annoying girl that followed you around for some bike you broke. And if that's all I am, good enough for a note-goodbye, then maybe you shouldn't be leaving me," she leaned in closer, our faces now centimeters apart. Misty closed her eyes, as did I. Her voice was down to a solemn whisper as she stated, "Maybe I should be leaving you."  
  
My eyes flung open. I wasn't expecting *that*.   
  
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I lifted up my bag and turned away, but not before catching him with a suprised, rueful, and apologetic expression on his face. I returned his with one of my own, of hurt and sorrow. Then I walked off, quickly, as for him not to hear me cry. I wiped the tears that somehow found their way down my cheek, and made it out of there as fast as I could. I didn't leave anything at the cabin, so I walked right by it without a second glance.   
  
Not until now did I realize how cold I was. I was shaking, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the temperature, or what just happened.   
  
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No... I can't let this happen. I won't.   
  
"Misty! Misty, please! Wait!" Weird.. just a minute ago I was leaving her, and now she's leaving me, and I can't take it. I guess I know how she was feeling.. God! I can be so dense sometimes! But I have to find her. "Misty, don't go! Please, Misty wait up!" It's no use.. she's walking faster. Well, time to run.  
  
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"Misty!"  
  
Geez, what is up with him? This should make his "departure" easier, if nothing else. This way he doesn't have to carry the "great burden" of being the leav-er. Shoot.. he's catching up!  
  
"Misty, STOP!" Ash yelled.   
  
I *suppose* I'll listen to what he has to say. Oops.. guess I should wipe these tears first. . .  
  
"So," I said harshly, "How's it feel to be the leav-ee?"  
  
"It sucks." He looked straight at me, his eyes pleading forgiveness.  
  
"It does, doesn't it?" I paused, "So what's the big revelation you ran all the way back up here to tell me?" He's not getting any slack til he says why he had to leave. Better be good.   
  
He took a deep breath."I'm sorry.. I don't know why I left like that..I didn't mean to hurt you.. I-I don't know what came over me.. but I'm sorry, Misty. I'm so sorry.."  
  
He sounded so desolate.. I couldn't take it anymore. "Ash, don't.. do that." I think I'm gonna crack. . .  
  
"What, this?" He stepped up and kissed my cheek, then hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry.." he whispered into my hair.  
  
God, he sure knows how to make an apology, doesn't he? Where did this boy learn this stuff!?  
  
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Tell her now, or tell her later? Now or later now or later? I guess now would be good.. but I don't want to push it.. she might still be mad about before. . . but she's not pushing me away.. God, this is comfortable.. nicer then I would have imagined. Yep, I've imagined this.. many times. I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I'm nervous, don't get me wrong, but this just feels so.. right.   
  
"Misty?" I ask, lifting my head off her shoulder.  
  
"Mm hmm?" she mumbles softly.  
  
"I.. um, I have to tell you something..," I say, putting my hand behind my head and laughing nervously. She looks at me, raising an eyebrow.   
  
"Its something I knew for a long time and I need to get this out because I might not have the guts again, so I wanna say that I.. I li--" Huh? Why can't I talk anymore? Oh, that's right, because. . . her finger is over my mouth. HER finger.. is on MY mouth..  
  
"Don't. You don't have to say anything." Then Misty starts moving closer..  
  
And closer..  
  
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Finally! This is really nice. . . Something happening now that only happened in my dreams. I'm kissing Ash.. and he's kissing me back.   
  
I think I'm in heaven.  
  
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The moment was too short! Short and sweet, I guess, but monumental in comparison to what I had dreamed. Now we're just staring at eachother.. Misty looks down smiling, and I take her hand in mine. She looks back up. Then we both turn and start walking toward the next city. Together.   
  
It's amazing what can happen overnight.   
  
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Many nights we prayed  
  
No proof that anyone could hear  
  
Hope seems like the summer birds  
  
So swiftly flown away  
  
Yet now I'm standing here  
  
My heart's so full  
  
I can't explain it  
  
Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I say  
  
There can be miracles  
  
When you believe  
  
Though hope is frail  
  
It's hard to kill  
  
Who knows what miracles  
  
you can acheive  
  
When you believe somehow you will~ Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston  
  
So, how was it? Send me feedback at Carolyn984@aol.com! ;-)  
  
(c) 1999 by Carolyn 


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